This photo of Annie is from a couple of months ago--from a day in which I realized how fast time has gone, and how quickly it will continue to go. Annie was coming down the stairs when she exclaimed, "Oh my goodness!" I peeked around the corner to see what was up and she says, "Mommy, do you know what happens to little girls' bodies when they grow and change?" I was shocked (and appalled) by her question. I wondered which book/movie/friend I could blame for letting her in on puberty waaaaaay too early, when she continued with, "Well, they wear big girl undies to bed, and they can reach the railing on the stairs!" Whew!!!, my panicking heart slowed a few miles per hour and I mustered an, 'uh huh, honey... that's right," in response.
The truth is that I feel like the other topic is way too close in my future, and I sooo wish I could just slow time down a bit. Or at the very least, figure out how to enjoy this time that we have more fully--to be more engaged in the little everyday moments and less worried about getting stuff done.
I am a list person, and feel like I can't sit still until everything is crossed off all the lists. The silly thing is that I know I will never be free from all my 'to do's', as life is just cyclical in that way. So, I need to train myself to not care as much about the items that 'need' to be accomplished and to give focus to just being with my family. I recently attended a life and business rework conference for moms called, The Breathe Intensive, led by Natalie Norton. One of my biggest take-aways from that workshop was to be sure that your children have at least one parent available for 'facetime' at all times. In our home, most days it's me, since Ben works long hours out of the house. This means I'm either engaged in activities with the kids (which is mostly what happens here, since they are still so young), or am willing and able to drop what I am working on/doing right now if I am beckoned ;o). Well, I do usually drop whatever I am doing, but not after a few 'one minute, honey' type of phrases, and then, I am typically still thinking about the task I was working on (or the next one coming) while I am with the kids. What a waste!!!
I have come up with a sweet little exercise to help myself be truly present. I talk. I talk about the very moment I am in- I describe it, ask the kids questions, name my feelings, etc. It forces my brain to engage in the moment instead of racing through the lists and tasks lined up in my head. Here is an example:
While rocking Ezra to sleep for his nap the other day I found my thoughts wander to what I was going to accomplish during naptime. Knowing that the day will soon come that he will no longer want to be rocked and that I will so miss it, I decided to be in the moment with my little talking trick. I sang him one little lullaby, then I focused on him and softly whispered until he fell asleep. Sweet little Ezzy. Your skin is soooo soft. Mommy loves to kiss your pudgy cheeks and smooth hands. Mmmm, they smell so good. You smell like an oatmeal cookie... dipped in syrup. And look at your little creases in your chubby yummy fingers. So stinkin' cute. Ezra, your hair is so smooth. Your eyelashes are so long and lovely. My handsome little guy. Mommy loves you so much. Your weight in my arms feels perfect. Oh, I am so blessed to be your Mommy. I love you, love you, love you...
And he was asleep. I laid him in his crib, and then stood there with tears falling (and snot running, lol) as I watched his little body breath easy in his sweet slumber. I wiped my cheeks and then went and got stuff done. And at the end of the day, I counted my biggest accomplishment as the little time I spent actually engaging in the moment with my baby. So worth it.
Every moment with my kids is worth it. Worth my full attention. It's my job, and my joy as a full-time Mommy to give them my focus and to give myself the permission to really enjoy my life with them. Especially now, while they are still my 'babies'.
I do realize that I will be having the other 'big girl' talk with Annie before I know it. It's inevitable. But, also a blessing. Annie reminds me of that when she is make-believing she is a teenager. "Mommy, I am just a pretend teenager. I know you like me three. But, God doesn't just have a magic wand to make all kids grow so well. I am blessed to be growing up!" So true, my wise little, Annie. So true.
So they continue to grow. And grow. And grow! And I will continue not only to be present, but wholeheartedly engaged in all the little moments I get with them along the way.
